i am free;

growth;

i am not the same as when i was one.
i am not the same as when i was two.
i am not the same as when i was three.
i am not the same as when i was four.
i am not the same as when i was five.
i am not the same as when i was six.
i am not the same as when i was seven.
i am not the same as when i was eight.
i am not the same as when i was nine.
i am not the same as when i was ten.
i am not the same as when i was eleven.
i am not the same as when i was twelve.
i am not the same as when i was thirteen.
i am not the same as when i was fourteen.
i am not the same as when i was fifteen.
i am not the same as when i was sixteen.
i am not the same as when i was seventeen.
i am not the same as when i was eighteen.
i am not the same as when i was nineteen.
i am not the same as when i was twenty.
i am not the same as when i was twenty and one month.
i am not the same as when i was twenty and two months.
i am not the same as when i was twenty and three months.
i am not the same as when i was twenty and four months.

i am twenty and five months, and in a month,
i will not be the same as when i was twenty and five months.
i will be twenty and six months, and i will continue to grow.

kind of happy;

history;

(in process.)

new york, i love you, but you're bringing me down;

i want to;

source: we heart it.

no one;

my pretty (ruined) things;

i grew up going to a place called java's. it was a coffee house, with art on the walls, and a drink called a 'kinky reggae'. i grew up going to that coffee shop, i first went there when i was seven, in fact.

i grew up watching a girl named zooey. zooey deschanel, in fact. she was beautiful; dark hair and red, red lips. i first saw her in the movie 'almost famous'; she was twenty, and i was ten. i fell in love with her.

i grew up listening to a band called the white stripes, with jack and meg with their blues-rock; they introduced me to a new world of music. the first time i bought one of their albums i was thirteen and 'elephant' opened my eyes.. in fact, it opened my heart.

~

i told her about a place called java's.. and she loved it too.

i told them about a girl named zooey.. and they loved her too.

i told him about a band made up of two.. and he loved them too.

~

she ruined it.

they ruined it.

he ruined it.

guard your heart;

by nichola robinson
(and taken from her website)

the things that i miss;

my long hair. intelligent conversations. my big bell-bottom jeans. my well-loved sketch book. good morning text messages from people i love. my mini dreads. my indie-rock'n'roll dreams. being able to afford concerts. a boy who i loved. my neice - so very, very much. the time to watch movies until i know every line. having a clean closet. my nintendo. my best friends, actually being the best. hanging upside down on the bed, while listening to new music. and well, actually having new music suggested. reading. my notebooks. cooking for new people. dressing in the colour blue. and having 'clean' walls. my organization systems that worked for me, and not for others. our conversations. baking, not just because i'm stressed. being smaller and weighing less. not having to take any pills each night. our friendship. a friend who's laugh makes me laugh. my favorite fruit being simple not bright. not having to be cool. being young. being naive. and just having a heart.

here too;

photos by postsecret.com

astrology;

'have pride in your imperfections and
show the world that you are a work in progress.'

and we begin to heal;

life is this huge process.
we live. we laugh.
we hurt. we cry.
we learn. we change.
and we move on..
i am healing. i am learning,
how to re-survive in the world.
sometimes in life we get stuck somewhere,
a rut, a bump, a hole, a ditch, maybe..
just a little pebble, but when we get stuck,
we have to find a away out.
we have to learn to climb,
or finally grow. we need to change,
we need to move on the to next chapter,
the next season, of our lives.

i am healing,
i am moving on.

and b'

'cause this is to be remembered.

makemethink.com

'Today, as I cried, I realized that the wounds
you can't see are the hardest wounds to heal.'
-december 23rd, 2009

'Today, the cashier at the local liquor store said
he was worried about me because he had not seen me the day before.'
-december 19th, 2009

'Today, I was in the public bathroom with my friend.
I was complaining about how frizzy my hair looked.
The little girl who has been washing her hands next to me lifted up her wig
and said, "it could be worse. You could have none at all.'
-december 3rd, 2009

something i've always known;

"today, as i cried,
i realized that the wounds you can't see
are the hardest wounds to heal. mmt."

says;

'she didn't seem to care.
she smoked in her room and colored her hair..
i was ashamed of her.'
-s.s.